Storms protects us all

After long and hard debate, Hillsborough County Commissioner Ronda Storms (R – Homophoburbia), working with a super majority of County Commissioners, pushed through legislation yesterday that will protect us all from the subversive and predatory practices of the small ‘g’ gays.

The discussion went like this:

Storms: “I move that we adopt a policy that Hillsborough County government abstain from acknowledging, promoting or participating in gay pride recognition and events, little g, little p.”

Castor: “I think it’s inappropriate for government to promote discrimination.”

The new policy was then voted on and passed 5-1.

Inspired by library books that do not explicitly condemn sodomy, These new rules should ensure that Hillsborough residents will never again have to face the sudden ejaculation of silence that inevitably results from the surprise revelation that the coworker who likes to suck your dick during lunch is not just being friendly but is, in fact, an actual small ‘g’ gay.

§ 175 Lewdness between men
I. A man who engages as the active or passive partner in lewdness with another man is to be punished by imprisonment.
II. With an involved party who at the time of the act had not yet reached the age of twenty-one years, the Court can refrain from punishment in mild cases.
§ 175a Severe lewdness (Schwere Unzucht)
A punishment of up to ten years in the penitentiary, and even with mitigating circumstances no less than three months imprisonment for:

1. a man, who by force or by threat of harm to life and limb forces another man to engage in such an act as either the active or passive partner;
2. a man, who by abusing a dependency founded in a service-, work-, or employment-based relationship coerces another man into engaging in such an act as either the active or passive partner;
3. a man over twenty-one years old who entices a male under twenty-one years old to engage in such an act as either the active or passive partner;
4. a man who professionally offers himself for such an act as either the active or passive partner.

§ 175b Bestiality
Unnatural fornication of a man with a beast is to be punished by imprisonment; a sentence of loss of civil rights may also be passed.

(Remember: only UNnatural fornication is to be punished. Natural beastial relations shall be excluded from the statute.)

As well as spelling out the punishment for the sweaty, passionate consummation of man love, Ronda’s new rules will help those butch leather clad policemen identify the enemy as it codifies a dress code of sorts for the small ‘g’ gays who dare to live and work amongst normal folk.

From this day hence, small ‘g’ gays shall be required to display a pink triangle on their person at all times that they are in a public place. (Small ‘d’ dykes shall wear a black triangle, and a veritable rainbow of other colors may also be worn depending on one’s own personal preferences.)

Hopefully, these much needed new rules will help to keep the incorrigible homosexuals and their literature out of our libraries. I think that Hillsborough resident Carolyn Nowell speaks for us all.

“My concern is that it would actually increase the homosexual population because it’s sending a signal to children that it’s okay,”

These children, from a small town in Pennsylvania, were not so lucky as to live in such an enlightened place as Hillsborough County. They received that signal that “it” is okay, and now the boys are flamboyantly displaying flowery hats.

The only downside that I can see in this legislation is that it might not go far enough.

What if a gay student group wants to meet at a county library or any other meeting space?

Only on that point would Storms elaborate. “We’re not saying that because of your sexual orientation you can’t come into the library,” she said.

Hopefully, that little oversight will be rectified next time.

This entry was posted on June 16, 2005 at 7:14 am and is filed under Civil Liberties, Culture war, Fascism, Hillsborough Homophobia, Religion, Tampa. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.