The war against Halloween

October 28, 2005

Everyone knows that for years the godless heathens on the left have been waging a war against Christmas, mustering their troops to steal the season from the righteous in an evil attempt to secularize the holy holiday.

When we began the Christmas season this year, we were all very much aware that a war was being waged by the Christmas grinches — the American Civil Liberties Union [ACLU], Americans United for Separation of Church and State, and other secularists, to steal Christmas from America. To not only take Christ out of Christmas, but to remove Christmas totally from the American scene. I am happy to announce today that we are winning the Christmas war.

If Jerry Falwell says that the war is being won, well, you better believe it. In fact, it seems that the war against the war against Christmas is going so well that the faithful can now go on the offensive. Over ten people in more than one state have joined together to fight Goth teenagers and others who would dare to celebrate autumn by gorging on candy and dressing up in silly costumes. These brave Christian heroes are willing to sacrifice themselves and their families, quite possibly becoming victims of tricks as they wage the war against Halloween.

Ghosts, goblins and gremlins, get thee behind me. There’s no such ghoulish decor at Pam and Bill Malone’s house — just a twinkling angel.

Trick-or-treaters here will get a different sort of goody, too: prayers, a Bible tract, a pe ncil that says, “Smile, God loves you.”

Since 1996, the Wesley Chapel couple have been observing Halloween by celebrating their faith — with anyone who happens by.

“We also give out Krispy Kreme doughnuts and something hot or cold to drink,” said Pam, 61. “This gets them to hang around for a while.”

The Malones, founders of Pray U.S.A! ministry, call their hallowed alternative Light the Night; it’s replicated across the country by dozens of supporters. They pull out the Christmas lights a month early, set up tables stocked with religious trinkets and refreshments, and prepare for prayer.

“There’s a lot of evil that goes on Halloween night,” said Bill Malone, 65, who traded in a career in sales for ministry. “We want to be just the opposite of that and show peace, joy and love.”

Besides, he said, it’s the perfect night to evangelize.

“Instead of knocking on people’s doors, we stay home and they come to us.”

The Malones figure they’ve ministered to thousands of youngsters and their parents, first in San Francisco, then St. Louis, and now in their Westbrook subdivision. Only once was their offer of a blessing rejected, they said.

“That just tells us that people are hungry, and it’s not just for doughnuts,” Bill said.

(Ed. note: or maybe, just maybe people are too polite to tell Bill to fuck off.)

In St. Louis, Irma Weber, of Evangelistic Team Concept Ministries, has been lighting up the night since 1999, giving out free notebooks, palm-size books of Bible verses and doughnuts with hot chocolate or cider. She estimates she and her husband get 800 to 1,000 visitors a year.

Sharon Feliciano, of Granite City, Ill., said she and her husband abandoned tradition and started their own Light the Night three years ago, giving out Twinkies and Bible tracts. They decided it was a welcome alternative to the “ghoulish Halloween production” set up on their neighbor’s lawn across the street.

“We had a few Goth-dressed people who backed away from us, but they were teens who shouldn’t have been out anyway,” she said. “For the most part, everyone loves it.”

Goths in the streets?!? What has become of our beloved country? Thank God people like Sharon are around to save us from the evil teens dressed in black. (Some of them even put black polish on their fingernails, and they’re known to fornicate outside of marriage!)

Anyway, by seizing control of Halloween and occupying the holiday with an army of Christians, this movement may well hobble the evil that gallops in every fall. Be strong.

Some may consider celebrating Halloween as only a little compromise. However, it is the “little foxes” that spoil the vines and this little compromise can open the door to other evils. Many Christians do not realize that certain traditions that are celebrated in the world have evil origins. Just because our society partakes in certain activities does not make them acceptable for Christians.

One Response to The war against Halloween

  1. [...] Like the War On Christmas, the War on Halloween is another Red State canard. Repeat: IT DON’T EXIST. Are you listening, Uncle Fester? Sure, it’s not that big of a deal, but if you give these people an inch they’ll take Iraq. Seriously, if you don’t call ‘em on it the next thing you know Santorum is equating it with man-on-my-pet-goat marriage. Check this bulk email invite to Michael Smerconish’s…wait for it…Un-PC Halloween Party: A few years ago, a letter came home from one of my kids’ schools saying that for Halloween, please dress the children up like someone from another country. [...]



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