One time professional wrestler B. Brian Blair grew up speaking Pig Latin, but he constantly yearned for something more until one day he discovered the magical language of Carny. In fact, he has written the definitive text on the dying language of professional wrestling and has positioned himself to profit handsomely should Carny ever approach the massive popularity of other fake languages.
His latest venture is a book called Smarten Up! Say It Right, a virtual dictionary for both the behind-the-scenes wrestling lingo and the Carny language that wrestlers use.
The book came about after he heard Ric Flair on Dave Meltzer’s eyada.com wrestling show saying that ‘kayfabe’ was dead. (Kayfabe, by Blair’s definition, means to “keep secret; tighten your lips, don’t tell” and refers to wrestlers keeping secrets, particulary from fans.)
Blair thought that it was maybe time to bring the back-room workings and lingo to the fans, comparing it to behind-the-scenes documentaries on movies. “I watched the Making of Star Wars, then when I went and watched Star Wars, the movie was ten times better to me because I understood how they did all this stuff. That’s the best way I can compare it.”
……Blair even hopes that Carny catches on again. “I even copyrighted a character and wrote a storyboard of a Lee Haney-type character who’s a carny man. And it’s very entertaining and would fit into a storyline,” he said. “I did that because I thought that maybe carny would catch on just like Pig Latin did at one time. All of our parents spoke Pig Latin.”
As a professional wrestler, he was never allowed to possess and prance about in the really cool belt that designates a champion. The belt is wide and fabulous, and the men in tight panties lust after it constantly as they grapple and sweat and perform fancy homoerotic feats for their homophobic fans.
But the belt can only be worn by the chosen ones, and poor Brian was apparently never a favorite of the WWF keepers of the belt – he was often promised that the prize would one day be his, but the mean beltkeepers never made good on their pledges.
However, Brian did manage to wrestle the title of County Commissioner from Bob Buckhorn last November, and now the trilingual showman is fighting mad about the county school board’s recent decision to stop scheduling school holidays on Christian holy days.
See, in Brian’s world, it’s all about the show, and right now he’s all pumped up to publicly attack the board for daring to allow children of all faiths to take days off without penalty as their culture dictates. Brian knows that the move is little more than an open attack against our nation’s proud Christian heritage of hatred and narrow mindedness, and he simply refuses to stand by and allow such an atrocity.
Hillsborough County commissioners want the school board to reconsider its decision to eliminate some Jewish and Christian holidays as vacation days.
“Don’t let them take this from us,” Commissioner Brian Blair said. “Don’t let them steal something precious from current and future generations.”
Commissioners passed a resolution Wednesday, proposed by Blair, stating that the county has a long history of respecting religious beliefs as reflected in the Constitution, Declaration of Independence and Pledge of Allegiance. Insisting the nation was founded on Judeo-Christian values, Blair said the school board’s Oct. 25 vote, “if left unchallenged, will affect our entire community for generations to come.”
……Blair said it might be “a good time to consider” recognizing other Jewish and Christian holidays, but not Muslim ones.
“That would open the door to other religious holidays,” Blair said. “This is a Judeo-Christian nation.”
More:
Hillsborough Commissioner Brian Blair said a recent School Board decision to drop vacation days tied to Christian and Jewish holidays was a vote to “abandon our heritage.”
He won support from five fellow commissioners Wednesday to urge the School Board to reverse itself.
“Commissioners and fellow Americans: Don’t let them take this from us,” Blair implored.
The other commissioners said nothing to explain the reason they supported the request. Commissioner Kathy Castor was out of the chambers during the vote but said later she would likely have opposed Blair’s motion, calling it an “overreach.”
Blair, who appeared on the national Fox News Channel program The O’Reilly Factor last week to express his opposition to the district decision, again held court before television cameras Wednesday after the vote. Acknowledging that other school districts have also cut holidays, Blair blamed a small minority of people for trying to erode America’s Judeo-Christian tradition.
“I think it’s the far left that you’re talking about right now and that’s part of America’s problem,” Blair said. “Why are so (few) affecting so many in an adverse way?”
……District officials emphasized that their policy allows parents to take children out of school without penalty on various specified religious holidays, including each of the ones in question.
ix-nay the non-istian-cray oliday-hays.
This is a great post, BW….