Keyboard Kommando Krusades for Freedom

January 16, 2006

Relax everyone – tonight you can rest easy. A pasty faced loser with an Internet connection is protecting us all from the crusading hordes of brown skinned people who wish to run rampant over our superior society. He’s young enough to enlist, but he knows that people like him – white people with diplomas and no common sense – can better serve their country by fomenting anger and racist violence.

Oh, and that better be flavored tobacco in your hookah, ’cause Joe Kaufman is watching your terrsymp ass.

Kaufman’s site is only one of a constellation of blogs … that are dedicated to the surveillance of American Muslims. The blogs link to one another, with more-traveled sites amplifying stories from more obscure ones, like Kaufman’s.

He claims he has not found a single mosque in Florida that is not linked to terrorists.

A lot of people are listening.

Last month, after Kaufman called a Tampa Muslim religious retreat a “jihad camp for children” and wrote that the speakers were “linked to al-Qaida,” death threats poured in to the Presbyterian camp hosting the event.

Muslims say the blogs breed hate.

“He’s spreading lies, slandering individuals,” said Ahmed Bedier, spokesman for the Tampa Bay chapter of the Council on American-Islamic Relations. “These are vigilantes.”

Kaufman and other bloggers say their work is vital to the country’s safety.

“I don’t hate Muslims,” Kaufman said. “But I’m going to fight to have the public understand that there are enemies of America … that are living in America as we speak.”

Kaufman said he got his roommate kicked out of school for smoking marijuana.

“It made me feel … that I finally punished the people who were punishing me all of my life.”

On Sept. 11, 2001, watching the World Trade Center’s twin towers fall, he said it felt again as if time had stopped.

“I decided, like I’d decided in college, to fight against hatred.”

The bloggers say they’re safeguarding the country.

Jennifer Valko opened her e-mail and saw a message of hate.

I will undress you paint your body with pig fat & light you. America is on to you! Watch your back!

It was the Thursday after Christmas. In two days, the Muslim spiritual retreat she had helped plan was scheduled to take place at Cedarkirk, a Presbyterian camp and conference center in eastern Hillsborough County.

That morning, Kaufman had appeared on Fox News to talk about the retreat.

On his Web site, he had posted articles about it. He posted computer-altered images of masked terrorists standing in front of the Lithia campsite.

He said these images were meant to be “tongue in cheek.” But some readers took them seriously. Hate mail and death threats poured in to the Tampa Muslim American Society.

But he added, “I can’t let it stop me from what I’m doing. … I’m assisting in the safety and security of the American people.”

Other bloggers agree.

Robert Spencer of said his blog sometimes attracts racists. He bans them, he said.

But he won’t stop blogging.

“If I give it up and go away and take up the saxophone, then what the heck is going to happen to society and to the rest of the world?” he asked.

Now, I was all ready to go off on this guy. I was warmed up, feeling the love, ready for action, and I remembered that someone had already done all the heavy lifting for me. And since it’s easier to steal than to write,…

…I started to wonder who these people are and what bothered me about their approach to politics.

Then I thought back to high school and realized that all of the proto-Republicans were guys, nerds, who were physically slight, not fat, and had even less hope of getting laid than I and my friends did.

They weren’t popular or funny or even pleasant to be around. They were, for lack of a better word, schmucks.

Now, years later, these guys like the NRO staff, talk tougher than a room of SEALs trying to impress Vegas showgirls. They want to hang and kill traitors, confront liberals. Now, I laugh, because I’d bet that these people haven’t ever been in a fist fight in their lives. I mean, Jonah Goldberg went to a girl’s college for God’s sake, and couldn’t get laid there. In fact, if you asked, they’d probably find him repellent. He probably didn’t even make female friends.

LGF is a collection of losers, the creepy guys at work, the people in the Star Trek club, the guys who can’t get a date, even on The ones that call themselves nice guys and talk about women as if the Handmaid’s Tale was a liberal treatise, who worship at the alter of Kim Du Toit. They vent their anger online.

As a black guy, you learn to size these folks up quickly. They may whisper nigger under their breath, but when confronted, they run like little girls. You know they’re punks.

These guys are conflicted. They don’t have any personal courage. They know they’re suppsoed to, but they cringe at the idea of confrontation. But they create this image of machismo which makes people laugh.

Ever seen a Freeper rally? You could wet one with a few water balloons. No, Freeperland is for the frustrated Wal-Mart manager with the cheating wife and fat kids. He rails against the world. LGF is the junior loser version.

Instead of sucking up to the jocks, they want to suck up to people in power. So they worship Bush, not because they agree with him, but because they need that power in their powerless life. They feel stomped on by everyone, but they feel like big men online or in their little chickenhawk rallies.

They think liberals are these weed smoking 1960′s rejects and who cringe at any possible physical confrontation. Come on, Ann Coulter cries when people toss shit at her, Goldberg? Stupid fat coward. If you slapped him in the face, he’d run like the punk bitch that he is. He’s too goddamn stupid to avoid confronting Wolcott and Juan Cole and being humiliated in the process.

You know, I don’t like Muslim terrorists either, but I certainly don’t want to kill a bunch of kids to make me feel better.

They shake and bluster and run their mouths, but that’s it.

Peter Daou has a long piece on how blogs should work better with the Dems, but many liberals miss the point. On our side of the fence, we mobilize support, raise money and get the attention of the media and deal with the Dems on our terms. The right sees bloggers as junior partners, to do what they are told without question. We want to be seen as equals. Personally, I can live without central direction from the party.

But the point is that we fit in to the political world in different ways.

The difference is simple, while the right wails and whines about Daily Kos, they can’t reproduce it, they can’t tolerate disagreements while working for a common cause. They get angry when people don’t go along with them. Notice the lack of comments and frequent bannings. Because their egos can’t handle it. They suffer from a case of fragile ego disease.

So all they can do is imagine the Turner Diaries coming to life , killing liberals instead of blacks, hanging them from the street lamps. Of course, that just feeds into their fantasies of omnipotence, imagining swatting their boss with a +9 power sword, as they do in an MMO or conquering imaginary Muslim foes like they do in Rainbow Six, when in reality, they’re Melvin, the guy who eats tuna at his desk at lunch.

4 Responses to Keyboard Kommando Krusades for Freedom

  1. Meredith on January 16, 2006 at 12:55 pm

    My response to The Times:

    This fool claims he is “protecting America against terrorism.” Your article perpetuates this lame myth. A cursory but courageous investigation on your part would reveal that the September 11th attacks were planned and executed by forces within this country in a trick as old as the Roman Empire and as flagrant as the Reichstag fire. Why don’t you look into the connection between Mohammed Atta and Jack Abramoff? Why do you carry on with this ridiculous charade that evil Muslims attacked America? This moron blogger is looking in the wrong places and I’m willing to bet he knows it, too. Create the enemy, create the propaganda, convince the taxpayers to fund a war based on lies, and profit handsomely from your insider arms deals. You know the ruse, St. Pete Times, but you are nutless and gutless. You fan the flames of hatred, and on MLK Day, too.

    How you face yourselves in the mirror, I’ll never know.

  2. linguafrnaka on January 17, 2006 at 12:46 am

    rl is the voice of freedom and truth

  3. Norwood on January 17, 2006 at 6:50 am

    Actually, I, Norwood, am the author of this post, but that sneaky RL’s initials somehow ended up on the notification emails. A full investigation is underway.

  4. A Alexander Stella on January 24, 2006 at 11:30 pm

    In the beginning, I decided to join the campaign to impeach your “smirking chimp”, my “dum’ass botch”. As evidence for that, you’ll soon be invited to click on a hyperlink.

    Before doing so, however, I would like you to read through the rest of this text. In case, you’d like to know, the hyperlink for your blog, specifically, “BlogWood”, is found at the third hyperlink on the list below … ah, please remember, no clicking until AFTER reading the entire text.

    Perusing your blog, I believe I arrived at what is a reasonable inference. That is, both you and your readers would welcome news that indicates the campaign to impeach the president is increasing in both vigor and breadth. Ah, you’ll find that evidence by clicking on the second enclosed hyperlink.

    As for my game plan for capturing Osama, you’ll find it by clicking on the first listed hyperlink, which immediately follows this colon:

    .he who is known as sefton

    oh, yes, surely, you’ve heard about the government “requesting” certain records about internet activity. oh, br’dah! … cynical and skeptical lil’ole me, I’m smelling a rat in all that. Quite candidly, I have cause to suspect that more than compiling statistics on access to pornographic websites is involved.

    oh, yeah, right after Hitler came to power, the German people were assured that, if they were innocent of untoward activity, they would have nothing to worry about … yeah, right.



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