No Longer Beating a Dead Horse

June 24, 2010

I give up – there’s really no reason to rally behind the only real Democrat in the Democratic primary race. No Party Charlie Crist is with us on everything except what he’s not with us on and that’s good enough for me, so the primary is officially moot.

Look, I will always like Kendrick – he’s such a nice guy! But his campaign is teh suck. It lacks visibility and support, and Meek is not a gifted orator, and he’s not as cool and popular as Charlie, so it’s over. I can not vote for Kendrick. I am going to invite Crist into my life.

Some say we need work hard to elect better Democrats. Balderdash. I used to be in that camp, but I have seen the light – a halo, actually, just behind Crist’s head.

I don’t care if we have a real Democrat on the general election ballot in November. I don’t need a chance to vote for a candidate who stands for my values.

I am going to vote for Charlie Crist come hell or oily water. What could possibly go wrong?

To this point, Charlie Crist has been nimbly avoiding the literal gusher of indictments and arrests and trials and IRS audits and FBI investigations and lavish credit card spending sprees and, well, just about everything bad that’s been happening to the Florida GOP. So I’m betting that none of those scandals will touch him, and I’m absolutely certain that no new bombshell revelation will pop up that might affect his general election chances.

In fact, I have such faith in Crist that I’m betting everything I have.

Of course, I’m not worried that after the Democratic primary Crist will realize that I now have no leverage over him – that I’ve already placed my bet and that I will have no recourse were he to kick me in the face. I don’t need a plan ‘B’. I’m positive that Crist is different. He wont hurt me. Honest.

And by backing Crist now I can absolutely guarantee that Marco Rubio will not win the election.

After all, there’s no way that anything that no one could have predicted could possibly have come to pass by the time I cast my ballot for Charlie Crist in November.

So I see no reason to even pay any attention to the Democratic primary much less back a candidate just because his values line up nicely with mine and the rich carpetbagger he’s running against is a real schmuck. This would be a waste of my valuable time and it really does not matter one iota who the Democratic nominee is because I am going to vote for Charlie Crist.

What could possibly go wrong?

Kendrick Meek could really use our help, but none of us like him anymore, so just don’t bother.

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One Response to No Longer Beating a Dead Horse

  1. Jake on June 24, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    The oozing irony. You prove here Charlie Crist is the ultimate parody candidate, and everyone who votes for him better realize the joke is on them.

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